It took me a lot of courage to actually blog about this incident. It is not something that I am proud of nor regret but it is something that I can say took a toll on my years of life, as I have never had an “event” in my life that happened back to back so to speak. These so called “event” that happened to me made me ponder and wonder, made me stronger as a person, made me have time on my own to really, really think about all the things that I have, had gone through throughout my entire time. Call it coincidence, Karma, you deserve it bitch, or whatever you can think of but at the end of the day who are we to judge others based on their life experiences when we ourselves are not even better ourselves ehk? You can tell me what you think or your thoughts at the end of it all. I won’t debate coz it does not matter as that is something that had already happened and it’s gonna stay in my memories as an experience for my upcoming future encounters in life.
I have been staying home due to an accident (2 accidents in fact) that happened to me on 2 different occasions for the past 2 years. In mid of September 2016, I was involved in a motorbike accident that happened along Commonwealth Drive while I was on my way to work. I was actually working part time as an entertainer, singing and playing guitar for the guests at Wine Boss. I was the pillion (with my guitar on my back) and my current boyfriend was the rider. The impact of the accident left me with a fractured left rib cage and thus I had to stay home to fully recover from the accident. Luckily, I was not required to have any surgery done to the fractures. The doctor advised me to just let the injuries recover on its own with plenty of rest and less movement. And so I did. It took me about 8 months to fully recover from it. This is how it all started.
I met my current boyfriend 2 years ago in an app (Smule, a singing app), (which I never thought of in the first place), nor did I ever in the world imagined that anyone would fall for someone or have a relationship through an app BUT it did, trust me! LOL! Anyways, after months of chatting and exchanging texts, we decided to meet. Oh wait! Did I mentioned that he was married? Well, yes he was and I knew about it. And so was I. (Sad but true) I was proceeding with my divorce at the time I knew my bf, from my estranged husband of 7 years. The marriage was based on ka-ching $$$ (I”ll blog in a different post). Anyways, after the meet, me and my bf grew closer by day and we kept in touch constantly through social media and meet ups as and when we have the time. That one fine day (which resulted in tremendous change), he happened to come over to my crib and his intention was to send me to work. While I was getting ready for work, we engaged in a conversation about each other’s marriage life and my divorce proceedings and he told me that he actually had the intention to divorce his wife for quite some time (which he actually did), way before he even met me but he just don’t know how sure was he about letting the wife go even though his wife was no longer staying with him under one roof. He was kinda skeptical about divorce as he thought that marriage was supposed to live happily ever after (which I knew by now that such things are merely fairy tales) and he was afraid of being rejected thus made him stayed on his marriage which was dysfunctional. So later that night, after the conversation, we were on our way to my work place when the accident happened. My leg was pinned underneath the motorbike and my bf was on the opposite side of the road. Luckily for us, the impact was not severe to the extend that could result me flying off the bike. I was then drove to the hospital by the ambulance. X-rays showed that I had a fracture on my left rib cage and my guitarist and my teenager son was called to come to the hospital. So I was told to rest at home with supervision. Hmm… Home!?
I was at that time, living on my own at a rental apartment. At this point, I was thinking to myself. How on earth am I gonna be able to fend to my needs without hurting myself further? But as stubborn a person I am, I was determined to be on my own and ensuring that I will not be a bother to others. Then my boyfriend voluntarily offered to stay with me to care for my daily needs and tending to my frustration recovering from the accident. Besides, he said he was part of the cause as to why I was in one in the first place even though it wasn’t entirely his fault. My parents (they didn’t know he was married) was reluctant in the first place but since they had no other choice as I was stubborn and determined to stay on my own. And so… that was how my boyfriend landed himself staying with me! Months past by and we grew stronger as a couple living together as if we were married to one another despite both of our status was married to our own spouse! You may think that is “dirty” but hey it takes two hands to clap and two people to tango! Get it!?
I didn’t say that living with my boyfriend was easy and happy always. Yes he was caring towards me, ensuring that I take my meals and meds on time, sending me to my toilet breaks and all and following up with doctor’s appointments and reviews on my condition. But he also cheats! The whole time we were a couple, I can’t say that I didn’t know that he cheated on me, because if he could two time his wife though they are no longer together, he could also do that to me but as naive as I can say I was, yes I didn’t know till the day he stayed with me. I found out that he cheated on me by sleeping with my long lost childhood friend claiming that he was drunk. He also cheated on me with other women too. (his wife was totally out of the picture, for now, that is) Remember when I mentioned that he was afraid of rejection from women? Well, rejection my arse! Mad!? FURIOUS, DEVASTATED, ENRAGED, DESPISED, HATE etc.. you name it.. I was! I was ready to kick him to the curb. But then, he apologised and cried saying that he was sorry and all.. yadda yadda yadda…. And what’s next? I accepted his apologies. I believe in giving others a chance to amend their mistakes. Naive? Good heart? Soft hearted? Stupid? You haven’t heard the last from me.
Months past by and I recovered fully from the motorbike accident. Soon, it was time to celebrate Eid Mubarak. It was around in July that year 2017 that I went back to Batam, Indonesia to celebrate Eid and my younger baby brother’s 18th birthday. My son was unable to follow me due to some plans he had with his friends so I went back with my boyfriend, my younger brother and his newly wed wife. I thought that it would be a good occasion since my younger brother got hitched and my step mother have not met with his wife. Thinking that it was gonna be a good family bonding occasion, I was not prepared as to what happened after that.
We stayed in a hotel I frequent which is quite close to my step mother’s house. I knew the manager who runs the hotel so my rate was kinda cheaper. So, my boyfriend and I had a standard room and my younger brother had suite with his wife at an affordable and reasonable rate since they are newly weds. Upon our arrival, we gave our baby brother a surprise as it was his birthday. We played go kart, ATV and other activities on our first day. Then later in the evening, we went back to our step mother’s house to have dinner and we had a ‘get to know one another better’ session. I wanna highlight that my sister in law had a slight misunderstanding with my dad but it was resolved. We also made plans for the next following day which is to have dinner as a family at the hotel in my younger brother’s suite. The next day, we ensure that all food are bought, prepared and served on the table while waiting for both mom and dad to arrive. I can say that at this point of time, I thought nothing much about my baby sister in law until I ran into some issues with her. She told me that she was kinda envy with the way my boyfriend treated me, being nice and loving, holding my hands while crossing the busy road etc (I was like “Hmm, you don’t know the other half of what he did to me!”) and I just smiled sheepishly. She kept on praising my boyfriend on how good he treated me forgetting (I assumed) that she was actually married to my younger brother! Grr… I just kept quiet and smiled the whole time she was praising him and saying how she wants to be treated like a princess (that’s what she claims my boyfriend treated me!) and telling me that my younger brother is unlike my boyfriend. I do admit that women likes to be pampered once in a while especially coming from the man their in love with. Correct me if I am wrong. Well, I kept myself calm and collected for the next day since the family reunion dinner was a okay. I won’t want to go much into detail as to what happen after dinner just that I felt what happened that night shouldn’t be happening at all in the first place. I told myself that maybe my sister in law was new to our family customs/practice. Giving her the benefit of the doubt but then again, I felt that what she did was totally rude. Heads up – she quickly changed to her “nightgown” after dinner and family photo taking even when we were still in her suite room. For God’s sake! We knew it was about time to leave the room as it was almost bedtime but please.. mum, dad, younger baby brother, my boyfriend and me was still in your suite! We were arranging for transport to transport both the parents back home. I saw my dad’s face and I knew he just simply do not want to say or utter anything as he does not want to spoil the ambience of the night. But that look on my dad’s face tells me that he felt that he was being ushered forcibly out of the room asap. In short ‘Can you please get the hell outta my room now!? Time to sleep!’ kinda feeling. My sister in law didn’t say it but her actions spoke a thousand words.
After sending both my parents, me and my boyfriend went back to our room and we had our conversation on what just happened right after dinner. It was supposed to be a mere harmless conversation between two people but it turn out to be a tragedy. We both had our point of views and it turn out to be an ugly conversation cum war. We both were physically fighting with one another not knowing that actually it has got nothing to do with any of us. I told him what my sister in law said about him being nice to me and it escalated to us debating, pin-pointing and then it lead to war. By the time my younger brother came to our room upon knowing about the quarrel, the fight ended with me having a broken foot. My boyfriend was too big a size that while he wrestled me to keep me from going out of the room, he tripped and accidentally stepped on my foot putting his body weight on me. Sigh… Actually at this point, we couldn’t confirmed that it was broken. All along we thought that I just twisted my ankle. We eventually called my younger baby brother to asked him if he could bring some ointment to the hotel so that I can massage the pain thinking that it will be okay. Little did I know that my younger baby brother came with my dad! I was shocked to see my dad in front of my hotel room. He came in and looked at my injury and told me that he suspected that it was a fracture. So he made a call to my step mother and asked her if she is able to get someone to come to the hotel and massage my foot the traditional way. Indeed, an old lady came to my room and massage the injured foot and she too said that it might be a fracture. After the lady left, my dad then asked what happened that led to the mess. I told my dad how it escalated to the point that I injured my foot. And the last thing we knew, the four of us, me and my boyfriend, my younger brother and his wife was reprimanded by my dad. Not trying to be bias but my younger brother and his wife was blamed. My dad said that if only my younger brother had ‘educate his wife’ before she meet us, such things would never have happened. Well, what can I say. What’s done cannot be undone…
The next following day, we headed back to Singapore. We made a stop to my step mother’s house to say our goodbyes. And… there I was on a wheelchair being transported to the ferry in Batam Centre. (I smiled whenever I flashed back to that day). We made it back safe and sound to Singapore.
My boyfriend brought me to the hospital the next following day coz I was complaining so much on the pain. There, I was told and confirmed by the doctor that my left foot was fractured and that I needed surgery. I was scheduled for surgery next 2 weeks after. 2 metal screws was implanted in my left foot. After the surgery, I had months of staying at home (again) and was not able to walk normally. I was suggested to be on crutches for the next few months down the road to recovery. Once again, my boyfriend was the one that cared and tended to my every needs. Every movement that I made, be it at home, or visiting the doctor for my appointments, it hurts like hell! Months goes by and thinking that my boyfriend was an angel turn out to be a nightmare AGAIN! Yes, he cheated on me again! This time, he cheated on me with a colleague of his by texting lovey dovey messages to her. (By this time, I had already encountered 6 cheats by my boyfriend) Urgh! Hell break loose! We argued almost every day, every hour of our lives. It was unimaginable, I cried every single day feeling sorry for myself. With my current condition, it made me lose my self esteem, it demoralises me to the point of making me helpless and hopeless. But still, he didn’t leave my side. He was always there for me in my time of need. I don’t know if he stayed with me because he cared and felt sorry for me or because he truly loves me for who I am. It was a real test that challenges me to the point that I thought to myself “Okay, maybe God is trying to tell me something. Maybe He wants to see to a certain extent on my level of patience towards someone. Or maybe He wants to punish me for my ‘crimes’.” Maybe… there was lotsa maybe’s playing on my mind. But whatever it was, I was determined to get better and full of hope to be able to walk again. Just when I had faith on my recovery, I was slammed with another news that my foot had to be operated on again to remove the 2 metal screws that was implanted because I had difficulties and my recovery was getting nowhere. There I was again, for the second time, at the hospital having my surgery done to remove the 2 damn metal screws. At this time, what does it tells you? Bad luck? Karma? I just dunno. Anyways, after the second surgery, guess what? Another few months of road to recovery! Yay!… Sigh.. By this time, I was already on the verge of losing myself entirely. I thought that there was never gonna be a time that I’m gonna recover everrr….! Just when I thought my world was a disaster, it took a turn! There was a saying ‘ There is light in a midst of a cloud’.
Out of the blue, my boyfriend told me one day that he finally made a decision to divorce his wife. And he did! While me on the other hand, is still undergoing the process the whole time even up till now. So can you imagine being me going through all these at one go? The divorce proceedings, boyfriend infidelity issues, my own well being. What could be worse! Not forgetting to mention that I was not able to work this whole entire time. So who fork out the bills? None other than my boyfriend. By this time, I am pretty sure that you think I am lucky to have someone by my side despite his infidelity. His infidelity was not something that major to the extent he sleeps with them (tho he did admit he did ONCE), it’s just that he simply can’t get enough attention coming from women through messages. It may seem harmless, there was a big BUTS tho… My patience towards my boyfriend was beyond. Even my son and his girlfriend admitted that if they were to be in my shoes, they will never be able to accept; whatmore be with the person ever again. But I did! I gave him chances again and I wasn’t about to give up on him. At first, my son thought that I was pathetic but he told me after analyzing my situation, he was rather proud than feeling sorry. He said that no woman in the entire world would be able to pull through what I have gone through and put up with infidelity. It somehow made me felt better about myself.
The day that I have been waiting for all these times for the past 1 1/2 years finally came to light! I can walk again! Yay! Without the help of crutches or wheelchair! I finally made it to the day that I was able to walk again tho not 100% but still it was worth it. My patience throughout the whole entire time pays off although I must say that I did broke down a couple of times. I must admit tho it was really topsy-turvy! Tell me about it! Besides, who on earth have that much courage and perseverance to be slammed with issues and problems all at one blow? I can’t say there aren’t any but the percentage of one going through obstacles and not even think about committing suicide was none. Even though I succeeded, I must always remember that at one point of time, I almost gave up myself.
My boyfriend on the other hand, had some issues on his end while I was on recovery after my 2nd surgery. I did mentioned that he cheated on me with a colleague of his. AND.. that colleague gave him problems! She actually made use of my boyfriend and made him a fool. She made it look like my boyfriend was going crazy over her and that he can’t forget her and want to be with her. She told her then ‘boyfriend’ (now an ex) that my boyfriend was head over heels with her. She portrayed it in a way, to her then ‘boyfriend’, that she was one in a million and that guys are going crazy about her. Turn out, SHE was the CRAZY one. I managed to talk to her then ‘boyfriend’ (someone’s husband) and he told me how she told him about my boyfriend. Sounds complicated? It sure was! Cut it short, she didn’t managed to be with either one! LOL! The ‘ boyfriend’ ditched her (upon knowing the truth about her from me and others that knows her well) and went back to his wife. The rumour that she started about my boyfriend involving her parents made my boyfriend so effin mad that made him confronted her at her house together with me and my family. She told her parents that my boyfriend promised to marry her once his divorce was finalised when in actual fact he didn’t. (I did my research). She even claimed that my boyfriend ever met her parents and spoke to them personally about their daughter and promising to marry their daughter. It was a total chaos! And knowing that she ever brought a foreman colleague to justice on a molest case that she claimed, made my boyfriend tremble even more. Why? Because my boyfriend IS a foreman himself. (look at how ironic things are) My boyfriend even asked around about her encounters with the previous foreman and turn out that majority agreed that she framed that individual. Whether the incident really happened or not, the individual was dismissed from work and charged in court, sentenced to 10 months in jail. I’m not here to speculate anything about her tho I admit that she is rather tacky. All in all, my boyfriend really flared up at her front doorstep, cursing and swearing at her. Me? I was there witnessing everything and my dad did gave his piece of advice too to her family. In the end, the whole situation ended with the police. After the encounters with that crazy colleague of his, my boyfriend swears to my dad that he never ever will cheat on me ever again. And he even promised my dad that he will cherish what he have now knowing that my family loves him like one of us. He told my entire family that he will never ever want to trade anything for us as no one (not even his own family member) ever stood by his side and defended him like how we did even though we know that he did mistakes after mistakes. Sounds convincing ehk? Well, it’s too early to tell.
Anyways, I picked up the pieces and slowly put it back to place. I am now starting to go for job interviews and am hoping to secure a career and embark on a new journey in life. Despite countless of resumes sent, and interviews, I am still waiting for the day that I am gonna be accepted in a company. I am excited to go back to work! My boyfriend and I am living life like any normal couple with my teenage son. He goes to work while I stay home and cook and clean the house while waiting for job opportunities. I don’t really have anything up my mind for now except that I am waiting to go back to society, socializing, work and having colleagues. I am taking one day at a time…
Well…. What a story! It gives me a sense of relief that I let this out of my chest. I dunno what makes me attempt this on here but I guess it’s just something that I want to share. I dunno if it will ever benefit anyone out there reading this long essay of mine but I hope it gives others the knowledge that no matter what life puts you through don’t ever give up on yourself easily without putting a fight. I’m not saying to physical fight yourself or others but just fight the battle in within yourself.
One wouldn’t know one’s strength until you fight your own battle. One wouldn’t be able to recognize own inner physical and mental abilities until you’ve been put to the test. Lastly, you will never know that the chances that you gave to others will eventually be fruitful.